Corn Mutates, Stallions Escape Herr Sauruman

Reports are coming in from the Hub 17, Alderran, that corn, once just yellow and cylindrical, is now evolving into an intelligent life form, with limbs closely resembling human limbs. This new species has been described as god-like, horrific and generally spunkacious. Republic scientists plan to name this new species 'Cornell', or elk-of-corn in Spandarin. According to the political scientists at Alderran, this new species is one of the hopes upon which the fate of the free galaxy rests upon, the other being Stallions reforming and defeating the evil horde of Buckleys.
Special warning from the Rebel HQ: Macbeth's castle stands to be taken by a Russian. This must be prevented at all costs; HQ can't remember why in particular, but what is clear is that Macbeth is, in reality, as popular as Duncan, even more so perhaps, and that the Russian, as well as her floozy moving forest, is a terrible threat to Ireland. Scotland's still trying to swim the dining room. One of the most comprehensive offensive operations in human (and elven) history, operation LEM, is officially home and hosed; however, a new problem has presented itself: the annual Imperial Ball. Many restrictions have been imposed upon this gathering by the Imperium, and approved space shuttles must be present both before and after the event, as well as multiple storm troopers. The strict securtiy has been widely hailed as unnecessary and rather uncalled for.
On another note, two Stallions, one in traditional attire, were sighted at the Schulerhaus party, otherwise known as the Cantina (though not on Mos Eisley). This pair, accompanied by loyal supporter and vassel Jan, were seen rapidly trying to escape Herr Leonard. Weise and Stallion #9 were heading back to the Cantina after a brief session hiding in the basement, when Jan stopped, apparently smitten by two spies, one from South Africa and one from Oman. Sensing an ambush, the two Stallions managed to save Jan from the clutches of these evil fiends. But the Fellowship of the Fling had been spotted. Once back at the Cantina, the three realised it was quite boring, that there were Imperial spys everywhere and that they would die of passive smoking if they did not leave. Thus impressioned, they arrived back at the hideout, Eichenhaus, and began drinking water to cool their blood temperature so as not to be detected by Imperial Deathalisers. Suddenly, they recieved a holograph- Sauruman was heading to Eichenhaus. Hurridly taking cover in the grass opposite, the trio came to the ABRUPT CONCLUSION THAT THERE WAS, IN FACT, ONLY TWO OF THEM. Weise, a brave and loyal Stallion, had returned to rescue Lukas, a trusted shuttle pilot. And then Mr. Leonard arrived. The remaining Stallions, after a brief sing-a-long session to the Doors, saw Sauruman leave and then went back inside the house. Weise was still in the Cupboard, and Lukas under the bed. All the excitement after a night with some Colt 45's in the Cantina and Potato Juice in the basement had hurried the effects of the Potato Juice, and so, unable to do much else, the Fellowship managed to reach their sleeping capsules and lay. The two Stallions, of course, didn't sleep, as their superior anatomy allows them to constantly opperate, but they tried to appease the mortals anyway. Suddenly a troop of orcs burst in, led by the Captain of Yirara, a 13 ft Minotaur. Unfortunately for the orcs, the Minotaur began to eat them before they arrived at the sleeping capsules, and cheesed about the excess noise, a shaman from WOW hopped out of Weise's computer and turned them all into corn.

Gossip

Arwen, Aragon's wife, before and after the battle of Ministirith

Courtesy Whoooooo Magazine

ANYONE WHO DOES NOT COME TO THE FINALS IS NOT VERY MASCULINE, FEMININE OR GOOD.

All across the galaxy, the winds of change are being felt. In Middle Earth, Sauron is mustering his minions to march against Rohan and Ministirith. In a galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker is preparing to confront Darth Vader and the might of the Empire. The Timelords are readying themselves to banish the Daleks. However, these trivial disturbances are nothing to the finals at Ross Park tonight. This shall be the final struggle between good and evil to decide the fate of the universe. If you do not come to see Stallions' last game tonight, you are a complete twat and have no life. There will be millions of people/non-people around the universe watching, from Tatooine to Cair Paravel, so spread the word. IT WILL BE A RIOT.

Delicious Darleks

Delicious. A would-be incredibly useful website if not run Darleks. Ruthless lobotomised metal owners aside, Delicious is a reasonably fine website. This is so because it allows the user to have quick, easy and reliable access to favourite sites. Particularly useful for schools (where certain websites are consistently used), sporting clubs (for game times etc.) and for personal use (favourite websites). Not so useful for dissenters opposed to the Empire or the Daleks, such as the universe-saving Stallions. If you do use this highly advanced technology, and are in the Rebel Alliance or other such organisations, please run away immediately as the Daleks will exterminate you.

A Obscure Post About Something or Other

According to the latest Alderanian Institute survey, corn is the most nutritious, docile and edible plant on the Fourth Moon of the Endor system. The native Ewoks have eaten this staple food for generations, and the story of how corn consumption and cultivation originated is interesting and exciting. It shall not be told. Rather, the simple fact that corn is the stem of the surname Cornell shall be investigated. The legend has it that the Cornells were originally a powerful race in the Outer Rim, much like the Timelords. Also, like the Timelords, they were attacked by the Daleks in the year 12346364858697.586 and defeated at the battle of Finishmyenglishjournal. However, unlike the Timelords, the Cornells were able to change their majestic forms to resemble ordinary earthlings. during the process, the secret was lost. Opperation LEM is still under observation, but looks set to fail.

Getting Home from School

Pills. Useful things, especially when mixed with the juice of Moaning Murtle and those screming roots in Harry Potter. They really have a calming effect. So calming, in fact, that Stallion #9 isn't even concerned that Peter Yates is now a warrior-queen cross Dumbledore. He has a pretty big sword. Lucky that Faramir is here to save me. He is a clever one. He is even disguised as Simon. Hang on... He is in league with the evil Peter Yates! It actually is Simon! Ah, here comes Faramir. Faramir has an even better sword. His warriors of Gondor and Gandalf have united to bring Peter Yates to justice! It looks like Yates has finally met his match. Oh no. He's back to his true form, Darth Vader. Lucky Luke Skywalker and Han Solo are here then! Better take some more Glumph juice. Wow! Those light sabers are sharp! Now Yates's Daleks are here! And the Tardis! Here's Stallion #9's lift then. Must dash.

Graffiti- An Irate Stallion

Far out, I'm sick to quite a lot of death of text talk and Ewok hate mail. The next twat who has the bright idea to graffiti in text talk will have Stallions to deal with. And I'm serious. Gandalf won't be happy. Stupid earthlings. In fact, Emperor Palpatine has personally pledged to destroy earth with the Death Star next time somenoe does. He is particularly offended with the graffiti in room eight of Battlestar Galactica, in which some semi-retarded Tauntaun has written 'maths is uber gay'. Not cool. He will kill your family. And my golly gosh, Ewok hate mail is also getting old. I will destroy your planet and take Princess Leia as my wife. By the way, all you Jawas who are pretending you've been to my world: my droids have sent several cease and desist holographs. Next thing thing for you is no more family. You haven't even been to the crunch.

Security Update

As of the last posting, Stallions have been defending the women and children of Rohan (while the Rohirrim are mustering in the east) against the treacherous InterGalactic Council. With numerous minor victories over their deranged foes, the final battle is due to occur at the Ross Park Spaceport tomorrow night at 6:20 (56:73 in Alderanian time), against an army of Minotaurs, masquerading as Yirara. The last time any Minotaurs attacked Stallions, an army of Centaurs from Narnia assisted the huge, handsome and incredibly funky horses, and the Minotaurs were soundly crushed into the ground (special thanks to Prince Caspian, who dug the hole for it). If you feel like you are being watched by something huge and hairy, make sure it isn't a Wookie, and please don't hesitate to call 1800minotaurbuster. A sure-fire way to distinguish between Star Wars hairy beasts and Narnia hairy beasts is that Narnian hairy beasts generally have horns and carry axes, whereas Star Wars hairy beasts generally carry blasters and don't have horns. The results of tomorrow's battle shall be posted tomorrow, or earlier if my gift of forsight returns.

Warning: All Followers

It is with severe anguish and hurt that Stallion #9 informs you that Stallions has been betrayed by the Intergalactic Council. More information will be available soon, however we must dash because some Bloghghgs from the planet Xuberan are here.

Stallion Calls Blink-182 and Asks for Explanation- a Pointless Post

Last night, after a terrble all night battle with some Trekkies over how good Deepspace 9 is, Stallion #9 decided to look on the internet to catch up on global affairs. He found, to his profound excitement, that Blink-182 had reformed! however, his euphoria was short lived, when he realised they'd been back together for almost a month. Thoroughly cheesed off that he had not been informed by his peers, he decided enough for enough, and he rang Blink up. When Mark Hoppus answered the phone, Hoppus originally tried hang up, however, upon hearing that it was a Stallion, he promptly put his phone on speaker so that Tom Delonge and Travis Barker could also hear. After a brief explanation, Blink apologised profusely and promised it would never happen again. Stallion #9 then looked at his watch and remembered he had to be in Coruscant for a battle with the Bounty Hunter Boba Fett, so he hurridly flew off into space.

P.J

Some of you may recognise the evil leader of Verdi Blue, P.J

This is the Stallions' away uniform

More on Stallions...

However, in between saving Hobbits and Princess Leia, Stallions function as a football team, and play on Ross Park Oval, Narnia. To date, Stallions have only been defeated once in two seasons of 7-Aside. Stallions is a truly intergalactic team, with members from Germany, Scotland, Italy and Australia. In fact, a former Stallion, Travis, was from Rohan. Unfortunately, he has been brainwashed and enslaved by Verdi Red (shape-shifters escaped from Animorphs), and although Stallions does plan to rescue him, they are too busy fighting the Emperor in the Clone Wars and Sauron at Isengard.

Stallions, an Introduction

Naturally immune to all known diseases, Stallions are the epitome of greatness. In fact, Stallions are so powerful that they have been on more space flights than Doctor Who and Luke Skywalker combined, only they have no need of cumbersome spacesihps due to thier natural superiority. Past accomplishments include freeing Tatooine from the evil grasp of tyrant Jabba the Hutt, defeating the Uruk-Ai at Helms Deep and saving Merry and Pippin from Lurtz. Current missions include destroying the Ring of Power in Mount Doom and killing Darth Vader.